I have been exhausted. I know this because when you are on your last ounces of energy it is hard to find the reserves to feel. The most amazing homily, the saddest film, the happiest story - all can be heard and listened to impassively, as if from a distance. That is how I approached Easter this year. It is why I have not written. There was nothing to say. Thank God for the holidays! I am well rested now, and in the company of friends have begun to recharge my batteries. Thank God for my friends, especially those who know, even though I wake early, laugh, head out on adventures and play, sometimes I do not know how tired I am, and a few excuses to rest and sleep will do me the world of good.
Much of the Triduum passed me by, muted in tiredness. Or so I thought, but it returns to me now, in snatches. There are beautiful moments: the washing of the feet - 'this is the night God knelt to serve you'; the quiet meditations of Tenebrae; creeping to the cross on Good Friday; the fire of Easter, firelight spreading to candlelight through the church at the Vigil, the bells and smells of the Gloria. I remember very few words from the services, perhaps none. But, I can feel the action of the prayer we made together, standing, sitting, kneeling. I can smell the services: frankincense, rose, peaty charcoal, snuffed candles, perfume and damp coats. I can feel the crepuscular rays of the resurrection throwing light into the future.
Whisper it softly, but today I felt warmth in the glow of the sunshine. It made me stretch like a cat, and I began to feel again. I am happy, excited about life, ready to take on what comes. The Easter shadows of light are finally beginning to creep into my blood. No great revelation this year; no 'Alleluia' moment; just a gradually increasing sensation that everything is going to be okay. He is risen. So be it. We walk on together. Tell me a joke and I will laugh, tell me a sad story and I will cry. I am here.
You may tell me it is all not very Easter, but if I must talk of food, and I must, I should tell you the truth of the fare that has been enjoyed chez moi. It is not fancy, and you might not call it the stuff of feasts, but I have been making of late: sausage rolls and star blue pastries; chicken in white wine (that was a dinner); cheese and bacon on toast (that was a lunch). A sausage roll or a cheese toastie I am sure you can all do; chicken in white wine anyone can look up, so I will share with you the makings of a star blue pastry. It's not rocket science.
Puff pastry (I bought it)
Soft blue cheese (dolcelatte or some such)
A large white onion
Greased baking tray.
Preheat the oven to 180C and grease the baking tray. Finely chop an onion and fry it in a little olive oil until soft. Chop the cheese roughly into small pieces and place it in a bowl with the warm fried onion. Mix together thoroughly.
Roll out your puff pastry to about 2mm thick, and slice it into small squares, about 8cm by 8cm. Taking one of these squares cut each corner diagonally towards the centre, leaving a 2cm central space. Carefully spoon some of your cooled cheese mixture into the centre and fold in alternate corners to create a star shape. Ensure the ends hold by glazing with milk. Repeat this process until you have filled you baking tray. Bake for approximately 15 - 20 minutes. Eat warm and eat with friends and family.
Happy Easter All.