Sunday, 28 August 2011

Vertigo, without the heights

I am sorry I have not blogged too much of late. I have missed the feast of many great saints: St Bernard (the Patron of my new school), St. Rose of Lima, St. Bartholomew, Blessed Dominic Barberi, St. Monica, St. Augustine - the list goes on. The truth be told, I have not been up to much cooking or much feasting in recent times. I am home this weekend, and have made up for my loss of practice a little, working with Gemma, my twin, to produce a feast of fresh gnocci with walnut, parsley and basil pesto for dinner on Saturday, and making rosemary and sundried tomato foccacia as my contribution to a party today. These were good recipes, and I will share them here soon. I did not make them with a particular feast or saint in mind. I made them for my family and friends. Having said that, my family and friends ARE saints for putting up with me!!

I have been nervous for weeks. I start a new job this week. For most of the day I am absolutely fine. Then I remember, and I feel sick, like a wave of vertigo. Mostly this happens when I am most relaxed, cooking in the kitchen, for example. So, I have been keeping busy with other things, taking my mind off the inevitable, avoiding my own anxieties. I am frightened. My new post carries great responsibility. Every now and then I think, 'My God, there has been a terrible mistake. It cannot be me who should do this work'. But, it is. Everything through Him who strengthens me. Onwards. Then, nothing. Then, vertigo again. I have tried seeking inspiration, but so far no good. I am reckoning I am just going to have to trust and go.

All this has quite put me off my food. Things are not quite as bad as Jeremiah would have it in today's readings (Jeremiah 20: 7- 9), but then again the vision put forward by St. Paul seems like a very tall mountain to climb (Romans 12: 1 - 2). I am sure I will recover, and get some good recipes for saints up here soon. In the meantime, my adopted patron, St. James, is rather good when petitioned for courage, so I have been sticking by him. In many ways, it was him who got me into this position in the first place.

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