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I have been nervous for weeks. I start a new job this week. For most of the day I am absolutely fine. Then I remember, and I feel sick, like a wave of vertigo. Mostly this happens when I am most relaxed, cooking in the kitchen, for example. So, I have been keeping busy with other things, taking my mind off the inevitable, avoiding my own anxieties. I am frightened. My new post carries great responsibility. Every now and then I think, 'My God, there has been a terrible mistake. It cannot be me who should do this work'. But, it is. Everything through Him who strengthens me. Onwards. Then, nothing. Then, vertigo again. I have tried seeking inspiration, but so far no good. I am reckoning I am just going to have to trust and go.
All this has quite put me off my food. Things are not quite as bad as Jeremiah would have it in today's readings (Jeremiah 20: 7- 9), but then again the vision put forward by St. Paul seems like a very tall mountain to climb (Romans 12: 1 - 2). I am sure I will recover, and get some good recipes for saints up here soon. In the meantime, my adopted patron, St. James, is rather good when petitioned for courage, so I have been sticking by him. In many ways, it was him who got me into this position in the first place.